he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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