john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
