K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
