I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
