At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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