if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
