Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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