Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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