Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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