thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
