its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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