I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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