im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
