She said her name was "party"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
