Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
