There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
