the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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