we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
