True but thats because hes a fetus.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
