Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
