how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it's like heaven, but drunker
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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