if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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