The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
