Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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