two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize