Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
