i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
