mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
