my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
