Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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