Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
