i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
