Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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