I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am one with the molecules
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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