I'm jealous of your bromance
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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