do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
