trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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