apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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