literally had 100 drinks last night.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
