PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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