I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Four minutes until I can fart!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
