2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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