sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
