I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
