I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
