Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
