and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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