Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
