just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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