My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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