I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
