i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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