did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
