The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
