Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
