The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
