you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
