Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
