we're blogging at a bar
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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