She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize