i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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