I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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