bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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