so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize