sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
