I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize