Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
