Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
