4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
