I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
