Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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