You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I deserve this hangover.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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