we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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