Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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