I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
