just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
