i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
