I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
