At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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