it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize