You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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