i don't like sucking hair
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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