I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
