wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
