This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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