I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
