Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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