I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize