Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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