Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
