FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
