bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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