Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
