Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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