She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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