Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
