So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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