If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
